My (bi)sexuality

Writing about sexuality is never easy. It is a unique process and experience to each individual, even if a large group of people can identify with the same label. On that note, I'd like to tell you a little story...


I'd always had crushes on boys. I thought they were cute, and they smelled good sometimes. My Mami would be so excited and encouraging when I came home ranting about a crush of mine who happened to smile in my direction (sort of, he would probably be squinting because the Sun was behind me). I could never imagine myself long-term with a guy, though. I just blamed it on my youth and thought that I wasn't ready for anything.

Teen years came, and boy crushes turned into something more solid. I didn't see them as crushes anymore, but as legitimate partners. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't my friend, so my first boyfriend had been my friend for about two years before I even thought of him as more. I chalked it up to having to know someone well before a relationship.

One day, I was talking with my best friend about the possibility of me having sex with my then-boyfriend. I remember very clearly not being excited at all at the idea.

"I just know that before I die, I want to have a threesome." Brave words coming from an inexperienced virgin, huh?

"What? You mean with two guys?" She asked, staring at me in a very suspicious and dreadful way. I shook my head, and stared back as if she were crazy.

"No, I mean with a girl." I remember using a "duh" tone here.

"But won't you feel weird?" She had asked. I thought about it for a few minutes, and decided that I enjoyed the thought of being with another woman in bed. I'd enjoy tending to her just as much as the male partner would. That's when I started to realize that maybe I was looking for love in the wrong places.

That conversation happened mid-December about two years ago. By May, I had dumped that boyfriend and started on a journey of self-discovery. I did not hook up with girls, nor did I hook with guys. I did not play with any one's feelings nor did I found myself flirting tirelessly. Instead, I spent that summer deep in thought. I thought about how I felt towards numerous situations, and how I would feel if I met a girl that inspired me to try.

August came, and so did my first year of college. Oh, college. There, I met a girl. We'll name her Susan for Blog purposes. Susan is beautiful, confident, talented, smart, courageous, funny, sarcastic, caring, loving, stubborn, compassionate, kind, generous, patient, passionate and quite lovely to look at.

The thing is, even if Susan weren't in the picture, I knew what I was by the end of that summer. I knew that I wouldn't mind if I ended up with a woman as my partner-in-life, and I wouldn't mind if I'd end up with a man. Bisexuals get so much trouble in the community because we're seen as "indecisive" or "flirtatious" or "greedy". Being bisexual doesn't mean we're not faithful. It doesn't mean that we'll have multiple partners (see "Polyamory"). It simply means that I might have past partners that are women, or men. It means that I do not choose my partner based on gender, but based on how they make me feel. Being with a female partner now does not make me a lesbian. Being with a male partner in the future does not make me straight. I will forever and always be bisexual.